What Indian Parents are collectively doing wrong
Most of the Gen X and Y Parents have lied to their children
Now, before y'all start bashing me that parenting is sacred and it takes a lot of sacrifice, I’d like say that I still stick with my words. We all have been lied to. Who’s we? Well our entire generation has been fed with nothing but lies. Well that came out a bit harsh than it sounded in my head. Let me tone it down. Our generation has been fed MOSTLY with lies.
Just work hard for these 2 years. You can be happy forever after this.
Sounds familiar? Every Gen Y kids would have heard these philosophies at-least once in their life time. It’s just that while you are at your 10th grade, they say just 2 years and then you will enjoy life. When you are in college, they say just these 4/5 years depending on your major and your life will be set.
The answer is Hellllll NO!!!!!
That’s not how life works.
2. Real Education starts after your degree:
The real education starts only after your degree.
I don’t deny the fact that education is important nor it is a criteria to get you a job. It’s just the way we look at it should not be the way we have been doing for generations.
The real purpose of education is to reason and to understand what’s good and what’s bad. Again good and bad are subjective terms. What may seem good to me may be bad to you. I am not talking about violating the law and stuff. All I am talking about is making good and bad decisions.
Like Choosing the right college, choosing the right partner, basically it all boils down to choosing what’s best for us. What makes us happy and what will keep us happy.
3. You don’t have to be right always
It is OK to make wrong decisions in life
All the Gen X and Y parents are paranoid about their kids making wrong decisions. Eventually, they end up deciding for the children. If you think that’s the bad part, unfortunately! no. The bad part is they not only decide for their children but also force them to happily…I repeat.. happily accept it.
Be it marriage, be it education this is definitely something which is NOT OKAY. If a child decides for himself/herself, come what may he/she will face it. But if a parent decides for a child, trust me your child will start hating you for imposing a wrong decision in his/her life. You can’t control your kid’s life with a remote control.
I can hear lot of people saying ,
My child doesn’t know what’s good and bad. I as a parent am obliged to make decisions for him/her.
No you’re not. You are obliged to show him/her the path. Talk them into it and leave the decision to them. Inculcate that habit right when they are young and fresh.
Let’s say you go out with your family. Somewhere on the road there is a homeless person drunk and abusing all passers-by. Your kid witnesses it.
What do you do?
You go home and don’t talk about it? No! It’s okay to talk about it.
If your kid brings up this topic, don’t throw him off the topic. It’s ok to talk about these kinda stuff.
It’s ok to ask him about what he/she saw today and what he/she thinks about it. And that is where parenting comes, talk him/her into how to be and how not to be.
It is also ok to make wrong decisions in life. Well to be precise,
There are no right and wrong decisions. They are just decisions
Every decision has its own path and destiny. As long as we are okay to handle the repercussions of it and we take responsibility, there is no right and wrong decisions. Every single incident happens in life for a reason. Every single person you meet teach you something. Life has to be learnt backwards.
If you learn to connect the dots in your life, backwards in your time line you could easily accept life as it comes.
This is something we were never taught. I learnt it quite late and the hard way. Well most of us did. Didn’t we?
4. Communication is the most important factor
Talking to children frequently and getting to know them is the most underrated skill. We as people today, strive to develop diverse skill sets for our career. The Gen X and Gen Y parents predominantly failed in communicating with children. I am not criticising all parents of Gen X and Gen Y. This can be seen in a different perspective.
5. A psychological analysis:
Most of our parents were the first educated people in our family tree.Before that, we either were farmers or business men. When our parents were educated, they were respected. The way people looked at them changed. In a city of thousands, only 100s were educated. So that was something remarkable. In a family of 10 members, one was educated. That gave them pride. May be boosted their ego. That’s a psychological way of seeing why education became the ONLY criteria for having a say in the family or to zoom out in the society.
Ever heard this?
He/She is educated. So he must be right.
Hmmm!! Not really….
The only problem with that perspective is, they failed to understand the purpose and rather got into specifics. Well!! in a way we can’t blame them.
Everybody are/were stuck in the rat-race of life. Western countries had changed the way of looking at education decades ago.Only for the past few years, India is evolving in this which is appreciable.
6. Education and Learning are not the same
This is the final part. The purpose of this post is to clearly differentiate education and learning are two different. Of course you need both in your life. This is where we had been lied or never been told.
A truth that was never told is as good as telling a lie. Isn’t it?
Education is not a destination. It’s just a mile stone.
Learning will always happen in life. Learning from life was never ever stressed enough in previous generations. Experiencing life is daunting, depressing yet beautiful at every phase.
Life per se is the best learning that is never ending till death. You meet a wise person, you learn making decisions from them. You meet a good driver, you learn driving skills from them. You meet a good investor, you learn handling money.
Learning is continuous process. It is never gonna stop. If you stop, you stop experiencing life.
Not after school, not after college, not after your job. Never! This is the part which has changed or at least slowing changing because of the internet era.
To be honest, all the fun part slowly diminishes with your college. The learning part relatively increases for one or the other reason. Better job, better pay, promotions, expanding your business spectrum whatsoever.
7. Emotional Black mails:
I am/We are saying/doing this for your own good. You gotta take my/our advice..
No you’re not. If you’re really doing this for your child’s own good you don’t have to add the above emotional tagline. The advice would speak for itself.
Last but not least, the most powerful weapon an Indian parent could use.
We will die if you do this or if you don’t do this.
Well! be my guest. A person who is in the verge of killing themselves would never say it. He just does it. If you look at the pattern of suicides, all of ’em would be unforeseen and out of the blue. Such would be the mental state of the person committing suicides. BTW, I am not supporting suicides here.
I am just saying, taking that decision involves a lot of courage and we never know what that person would have been going through. When a person says it, he/she will not do it for sure.
This kinda toxic parenting should never be encouraged.
Fortunately most of the above said behaviour is not seen with the millennial generation parents. I believe it’s because most of the parents don’t want their children to go through what they did. That is convincing.
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